South Africa—A few weeks ago, South African social media followers pulled the alarm about the gradual disappearance of young women and girls. As weeks have gone by, timelines have been flooded with post upon post of young women and girls who have gone missing almost every day.

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The insidious reason behind many of these disappearances has proven quite frightful indeed as we're learning that the culprits under our very own noses. One of the young women who had gone missing and that I personally remember retweeting in an attempt to help find her, was found burnt beyond recognition and buried in a shallow grave in a deserted veld.

As police began their investigation it surfaced that year-old Karabo Mokoena was murdered by her boyfriend, who had even gone as far as helping her family look for her, knowing full well that they would never find her alive. The death of this young woman hit close to home because it is a reality to which many South African women have become accustomed in one form or the other. South Africa has the highest number of women who are murdered at the hands of their partners in the world.

The Real Story Behind #menaretrash, South Africa's Response to Domestic Violence

In fact, of the women who die every eight hours, half of them are killed by their partners. Rape and rape culture are rife with women being assaulted on university campuses, at their workplaces, in public transport—you name it. Yet, and this is where I struggle to maintain my calm, when the movement menaretrash rightfully came into full force once again, the focus immediately shifted to 'but not all men'.

Menaretrash began when a few women on social media last year, took it upon themselves to start calling out the problematic behavior of men especially with regards to the emotional and physical abuse they'd often experienced in their own relationships. The hashtag did not catch on initially and died down after a while. This year however, and with the highly publicised murder of Karabo, the hashtag has gained considerable ground and transcended into a palpable movement shedding light on the abuse, femicide and rape that is rampant in South Africa and often goes unreported.

Very much like blacklivesmatter, another hashtag that became a movement with a massive following and had tremendous impact in the US, menaretrash is attempting to have a similar impact and reach.

Although it is still resisted by many, it has also been publically endorsed by prominent South African personalities such as Hlomla DandalaMaps MaponyaneThandiswa Mazwai and Boity Thulo. That said, asserting that menaretrash is not about singling out individual males and smearing them with the same brush. The menaretrash movement is also not about avenging soured relationships or born from the scorn of so-called bitter women.

That is important to note. Firstly, menaretrash attempts to do away with the respectability politics that seeks to police the way in which we as women decide to voice out our anger and frustration towards an oppressive patriarchal structure.

One needs to understand first and foremost that as women, and particularly as feminists, ours is not to deliver our message prettily garnished in a way that is perceived to be more 'palatable' by men. In short, we are not duty-bound to mollycoddle the men who are a part of the very same patriarchal structure against which we are tirelessly fighting.

Secondly, there is a shock value to the statement that is necessary in that it makes men immediately uncomfortable and it is precisely this discomfort that is necessary if we are going to begin to have any earnest conversations about the desperate plight of women in South Africa.

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Frantically pointing out that you have a 'great father' or that you're in a happy relationship with a 'good guy'—true or not—serves to obscure real patterns of toxic masculinity, abuse and femicide which the menaretrash movement is attempting to expose.You need the latest version of Adobe Flash Player to view this video.

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Rights lining up to marry me! I know I'm not alone here, because I've seen plenty of articles on the Internet about women just like me having the same problem.

The Real Story Behind #menaretrash, South Africa's Response to Domestic Violence

I really don't know what's wrong with me, and why men aren't more interested in me. I'll admit I've made some mistakes. Like most women of my generation, I grew up being taught that I could do anything I wanted, and that there'd never be consequences for my actions. I was always taught that I deserved the world, and that my entire life would fall into perfect harmony any time I wanted it to, including marriage, promptly by the age of You see, being taught these notions as a little girl, I decided to do what most of my girlfriends did: once I got out of high school, I spent the next ten years "finding myself" by spending all of my free time chain-smoking cigarettes and getting drunk in bars and clubs.

There were many men I got involved with during this period of my life. None of them were the wholeseome kind of men you could build a life with, but I didn't care. I wanted action. I wanted excitement and drama. I knew those men never cared about me and only wanted sex, but I gave it to them anyway. Some of them hit me, and a few smashed in my car windows, but whatever.

I've been with over fifty men, not counting the ones I just fooled around with. Is this hurting my chance to find true love? There were a few really great men who came into and out of my life during this period, usually from outside the bar scene.

They were men who really cared about me, who were concerned for my well being, and who did the little special things to let me know they cared, but I ignored them.

I did, I'll admit it. Every man who came into my life who displayed these positive traits - the kind of traits that could have led to stability and happiness - I rejected. I found them boring. Honestly, I was having too much fun with my lifestyle to ever take notice of the men who actually treated me like a human being.

I was addicted to promiscuous sex with bad boys who never loved me. Most of my girlfriends were the same way. Why settle for a good man before you have to, right?! Now I'm 29 years old. I only drink on the weekends and I've curbed my smoking somewhat, but it's taken a real toll on my body. My looks are fading, and my biological clock is ticking. I am a single mother of one child born out of wedlock to an abusive, no-good father who never loved me or even had a relationship with me.

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